


i'm tryna find the words to say

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Lots of Angst, M/M, Self-Harm Harry, Smut, Tears, Very fluffy smut, harry has a thing about being praise during sex which I think is actually quite cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 06:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1768774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis' bottom lip trembles. He remembers it. Harry was on his phone earlier this morning before he bolted to the bathroom and didn't come back for 20 minutes. He was reading the hate. How did he not notice?</p><p>~~OR~~<br/>harry has been reading hate about himself and has resorted to cutting. louis has been noticing his off behaviour</p><p>Title from Beside You by 5SOS</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm tryna find the words to say

_***X-Factor House 2010*** _

The boys have just come back from rehearsals. Harry and Louis are up in their room. Louis has been noticing that Harry has been extra quiet and secretive this past week. He doesn't know why. He is determined to find out.  
"Harry, babe, what's wrong?" Louis asks hesitantly.  
"Nothing, just a little tired." Harry quivers back, cusping his hand over his wrist and shrugging. Surely not, Louis thinks.  
"Harry, show me your wrist." Louis says.  
"Why should I?" Harry snaps back a little too quickly.  
"Because I am your boyfriend and need to know what you have been up to. Now show me your wrist." Louis sternly states, extending his hand towards Harry's.  
"No, there is nothing wrong with my wrist." Harry replies.  
"Prove it, show me." Louis taunts. Harry stutters for a second before extending his wrist, covered in bracelets.  
"Without the bracelets please hon." He prompts. Harry noticeably swallows and removes his many bracelets to display 6 cuts laying horizontally across it, one under the other. Louis notices that the one that is highest up is fresh. He feels tears well up in his eyes as Harry lets out a hiccup.  
"I am so sorry."  
"Haz, don't be sorry. Everything happens for a reason. Just why babe? That is what I wanna know." Louis stammers.  
"I've been on Twitter lately and people have been saying a few things about the band, mostly me." Harry sniffles.  
"What type stuff have you read?" Louis questions.  
"Things like ' _Harry Styles sounds like a dying dog when he sings_ ', ' _Harry from the X-Factor boy-group is fat. Have you seen his hips?_ ' and ' _The curly one on X-Factor is so ugly. My cousin's pig is better looking than that mop on legs_.' Just the standard things I read on a daily basis." Harry shrugs, acting nonchalant.  
"Babe, you shouldn't be reading that shite. Those people who say that are jealous." Louis says.  
"Who would be jealous of a fat, ugly, dying-dog sounding 16 year old?" Harry snuffles.  
"Pumpkin, you are **none** of those things! You aren't fat, ugly nor do you sound like a dying dog. People in this world aren't kind. When was the last time you...you know..." Louis trails off, looking at his exposed wrist.  
"This morning." He admits. Louis' bottom lip trembles. _He remembers it_. Harry was on his phone earlier this morning before he bolted to the bathroom and didn't come back for 20 minutes. He was reading the hate. How did he not notice? Louis lets a stray tear slip down his face before he wipes it hastily and embraces Harry. Harry wraps his arms around Louis and pulls him tighter.  
"I am so sorry that I am wimp." He whimpers.  
"Oh baby, you aren't a wimp. If anyone read that about themselves, they would be upset. I just wanna know why you didn't come to me first. I would have helped you." Louis replies.  
"I just thought you wouldn't care. I feel so lucky that you chose me to your boyfriend because I am so much younger than you. I know this stuff shouldn't get to me like it does and I don't know why it does. It's stupid and silly. I thought you would call me a baby or say I was being immature." He whines.  
"Harry, you are younger than me but I don't care. You are not a baby. Never hide anything from me _please. I love you so much_. I need you to stay strong for me. I need you stop stop reading all that negative shite on Twitter. I need you to open up and let me inside." Louis coos.  
"Louis, you said 'I love you' to me." Harry states, gobsmacked and wide-eyed.  
"I guess I did, didn't I?" Louis nervously laughs as he scratches the back of his neck. Harry just giggles, cups his boyfriend's jaw and kisses his lips sweetly.  
"I love you too." He giggles.  
"Thank fuck. Your eyes went wider than plates and I was scared for a moment." Louis breathes. Harry smiles.  
"But babe, I need you to tell me when you feel sad, mad or feel the urge to go for that blade. Now, I need you to be 100% honest with me. Are there any more? Marks, scars or anything involving what you do with that blade?" Louis asks.  
"No." Harry quietly replies.  
"Okay, just remember I am here for you." Louis smiles.  
"Will you make love to me?" Harry quietly asks.  
"Sure hon, whatever you like." Louis nods as he joins his lips with Harry's. Their lips move together in a slow, passionate dance. No teeth, no tongue; just lips and love. Louis grips his boyfriend's shoulders and pushes him down slowly. Harry whines in his throat and Louis pull back. He gives him a questioning look.  
"Take my pants off. Please." He begs. Louis fondly smiles and obliges to the younger boy's wish. He unclasps the button and pulls them down to his knees. What he next sees shocks him. Many, many square shaped red marks scattered across his lover's thighs. Harry noticeably stiffens underneath him.  
"Haz...you said there was no more." Louis gapes at the marks.  
"I did. No more cut marks. You said nothing about burn marks." Harry replies.  
"Babe, these come under the same category. Is this because of the hate as well? Is this why you haven't been walking around naked like usual?" Louis questions. Harry nods small and looks anywhere but at his boyfriend's piercing stare.  
"Look at me." Louis commands but Harry shakes his head. Louis cusps his face and gently turns Harry's face towards his.  
"Pumpkin, please stop. You and I can get through this. I will be with you 100%. Do you know why? Because I love you. I *kiss* love *kiss* you *kiss* so *kiss* fucking *kiss* much *kiss*." Louis chimes. Harry nods and feels a blush creep to his cheeks. He like this. He like Louis being gentile, kind and nice. Saying nice things to him. Making him feel loved. Louis smiles his perfect smile and pulls Harry's shirt off and pants off completely. Harry tugs at his own shirt and Louis removes it, throwing it across the room. Harry feels inadequate compared to Louis. He has abs whilst he himself has baby fat still. He makes a move to cover his stomach but Louis must have sensed it as he knots his fingers with his on either side of his body.  
"Look at your perfect body. So cute. So amazing. So pretty. I love your hips. So beautiful and curvy." Louis remarks as he peppers it with butterfly kisses. Harry fills warm and fuzzy inside. He really likes it. Louis' kisses slowly get lower and he is soon mouthing over Harry's clothed groin.  
"May I?" Louis cheekily asks. Harry nods and Louis hooks his fingers under the waistband and yanks the material down.  
"Keep talking... _please_." Harry pleads.  
"Course hon. I love your cock. So pretty. Prettiest cock I've seen. No matter what state. Flaccid, hard or half-hard. So pretty and big." Louis praises, wrapping a small hand around it and tugging it to make it harder from it's limp state. Harry elicits small whines and moans but Louis continues his praise.  
"Love you strong legs too. Your clean, hairless legs. Your strong thighs are my favourite. You let me suck little love-bites into them. You need to treat them better by putting that lighter away. You may not be graceful but legs are to die for." He adds, kissing and sucking at his hairless thighs. He kisses back up his body, all the way back to his chest.  
"I love your face most of all. Your pretty nose, eyebrows, dimples, eyes and chin. But mostly your lovely lips. So plump, big and red. You are so beautiful, so pretty, so gorgeous and so magnificent. I love you." He continues, kissing everything he lists. Harry feels so warm, so loved and so wanted.  
"Can you give me an Eskimo kiss please." Harry pleads.  
"Sure babe." Louis smiles as he bends down and rubs his nose against Harry's. It is so intimate that is almost make Harry cry.  
"Please...please...Lou." Harry brokenly whimpers. Louis nods and reaches under his pillow for his bottle of lube. He smiles when he succeed as he shimmies between his boyfriend's legs. Harry spreads his legs a little so Louis has easier access.  
"Thank you babe. You are amazing." Louis smiles. He thinks Harry has like a praise kink or something like that. It is actually quite cute. He coats two finger with lube and presses one to Harry's dry hole to lubricate it slightly. Harry keens in his throat and Louis applies pressure to the muscle.  
"I got you babe. I got you." Louis assures him as he presses into the tight heat of his boyfriend. He pushes in until he is fully in, watching his lover's face contort from pain to pleasure to bliss.  
"Lou, c-can you call me pretty? Please." Harry asks quietly.  
"Of course. You are so pretty. My pretty Harry. My pretty baby boy." Louis coos and Harry shivers as pleasure rubs down his spine. Louis adds a second finger, not rushing. He wants this to be pleasurable for both of them. Louis keeps murmuring things to Harry as he scissors and stretches him with his fingers. Harry groans and clutches to Louis' strong bicep. He feels safe.  
"Can you call me pretty again?" Harry questions again. He likes the way Louis fondly smiles and agrees.  
"Sure babe, you are my pretty baby. So delicate, beautiful and pretty. My pretty, pretty Hazzabear." Louis hums as he adds a third finger slowly. Harry feels floaty as Louis crooks and curls his fingers inside him as he had been doing for the past 15 minutes. He is brought back to reality as Louis' nimble fingers graze his prostate. His bitten lips open and a mantra of his boyfriend's name and nonsense tumble from his mouth. Louis smiles as repeats his action.  
"Lou...Lou...I'm ready. Please." Harry whines high in his throat. Louis nods and pulls his fingers out. He looks at the cabinet and asks,  
"Condom or no condom pet?"  
"No condom please, wanna feel all of you." Harry replies. Louis gives him a lazy smile and rubs some lube over his cock. Harry eyes his hand and licks his lips subconsciously. The older boys places one hand on his boyfriend's hip and the other on his cock as he presses to Harry's entrance. Harry grips Louis' bulging bicep and nods. He cries out as Louis begins to push in, so slowly and so carefully. Louis keeps Harry calm as he whispers calming words to him like 'You're doing so well', 'So beautiful babe' and 'My pretty baby. So pretty.' Harry whimpers and whines until Louis is fully in.  
"So beautifully tight for me. Such a pretty hole. All for me isn't it?" Louis asks.  
"All for you. Only you Louis." Harry replies. Louis bends down and kisses Harry's nose. Harry smiles small and Louis does as well. Louis' hips grind small circles into Harry's bum and Harry whines.  
"Lou...keep talking. Go please." Harry pleads. Louis nods and pulls his hips back slightly.  
"Harry, you don't know how beautiful you look right now. Your pretty pink lips, wide green eyes, gorgeous curly hair, nice little body spread out for me and your lovely hands gripping to mine. So beautiful. So amazing." Louis praises as he slowly moves in and out of his lover. Harry elicits low whines and keens in his throat as he is taken care of by his boyfriend. Louis runs his hands down Harry's chest and runs the pad of his thumbs over Harry's nipples.  
"You have such lovely nipples. Such a nice colour, so responsive and perky." He smiles as he plays with the numb. Harry moans and babbles uncomprehendingly which mostly consists of 'I love you' and 'Lou'. His older lover moves his hands to his bum.  
"Love your bum, babe. So peachy and round. A little bubble butt. My little peachy, bubble butt." Louis coos as he massages the flesh.  
"All for you." Harry chokes out, so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from his feathery-haired boyfriend. He feels so respected, so wanted and so needed that it is almost overpowering his heart.  
"All for me? No hon, for both of us." Louis smiles as he cants his hips into his boyfriend long and languidly. After being at this for 30 minutes, Harry feels close.  
"Lou, 'm close. I'm sorry." He cries.  
"Don't be sorry pumpkin. I'm almost done too." Louis fondly replies, he is so in love with this boy and he has only known him for 7 weeks. It feel like he has known his boyfriend forever.  
"Can you- please." Harry broken sobs but Louis understands. Louis wraps a small hand around Harry's shaft and pumps it slowly. His hand is delicate and soft but hard enough to relieve pressure building in Harry's cock. Harry whimpers and moans his lover's name uncontrollably. Louis continues his slow, long thrusts, chasing his own. Harry cries out loud and spurts into Louis' hand. He sobs through it, making it seem more powerful than it actually is. Louis watches his boy fall apart in his hand and he thrusts once, twice, three more times before spilling inside the younger boy with a cry of his name. He pulls out slowly, minding Harry's sensitive hole, and embracing the shaking younger lad.  
"Thank you so much for that. You probably think I'm weird now, don't you?" Harry mumbles into Louis' bare chest.  
"Course not love, I like praising you. It makes me feel good and you feel good too. Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy too." Louis smiles, rubbing his hand through Harry's hair.  
"Really?" Harry asks, looking at his with his sleepy doe eyes.  
"Really." Louis confirms, kissing his nose.  
"I love you lots. G'night Loubear." Harry smiles as he curls into his boyfriend's chest.  
"Good night my pretty Hazzabear." Louis replies as he dozes off as well.

-FIN-

**Author's Note:**

> X-Factor Larry was so cute and I keep hearing rumours that Harry used to cut back then so I came up with this
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RachLoves1D5SOS) or on [Tumblr](https://limpnoodlemikey.tumblr.com)


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